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What Happens If Trump Closes The Mexican Border?

What Happens If Trump Closes The Mexican Border?
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    AND SPEAKING OF NATIONAL SECURITY, TRUMP IS STILL
    CONCERNED WITH OUR SOUTHERN BORDER.
    IN RESPONSE TO A SURGE OF MIGRANTS COMING TO THIS COUNTRY,
    TODAY, TRUMP UNVEILED A NEW APPROACH THAT TREATS ASYLUM
    SEEKERS FAIRLY AND HUMANELY.
    APRIL FOOLS!
    GOT YOU!
    ( LAUGHTER ) I GOT YOU!
    I GOT YOU!
    JUST TERRIBLE.
    JUST TERRIBLE.
    ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NO.
    I LOVE PRANKS!
    I LOVE PRANKS!
    ( LAUGHTER ) NO, IN FACT, TRUMP THREATENED TO
    SHUT THE MEXICO BORDER.
    JUST IN TIME FOR SPRING BREAK!
    HEY, COLLEGE KIDS!
    I KNOW YOU HAD YOUR HEARTS SET ON CANCUN, BUT HOW ABOUT SPRING
    BREAK: WALL?
    "SHOW US YOUR SLATS!" ( LAUGHTER )
    TRUMP ANNOUNCED HIS THREAT IN AN EPIC, THREE PART POLICY-TWEET.
    (AS TRUMP) "THE DEMOCRATS HAVE GIVEN US THE
    WEAKEST IMMIGRATION LAWS ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD.
    MEXICO HAS THE STRONGEST, AND THEY MAKE MORE THAN $100 BILLION
    A YEAR ON THE U.S.
    THEREFORE, CONGRESS MUST CHANGE OUR WEAK IMMIGRATION LAWS NOW,
    AND MEXICO MUST STOP ILLEGALS FROM ENTERING THE U.S.
    DOT-DOT-DOT-DOT-DOT-DOT-DOT-DOT THROUGH THEIR COUNTRY AND OUR
    SOUTHERN BORDER.
    MEXICO HAS FOR MANY YEARS MADE A FORTUNE OFF OF THE U.S., FAR
    GREATER THAN BORDER COSTS.
    IF MEXICO DOESN'T IMMEDIATELY STOP ALL ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION
    COMING INTO THE UNITED STATES 'THROUG' OUR SOUTHERN BORDER, I
    WILL BE CLOSING DOT-DOT-DOT-DOT-DOT."
    ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT IS -- IT'S A LOT OF WORDS
    ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT IS -- IT'S A LOT OF WORDS
    TO GET "THROUG."
    ( LAUGHTER ) DIG DOWN, FINISH STRONG,
    COLBERT.
    HERE WE GO -- "DOT-DOT-DOT-DOT THE BORDER, OR
    LARGE SECTIONS OF THE BORDER, NEXT WEEK.
    THIS WOULD BE SO EASY FOR MEXICO TO DO, BUT THEY JUST TAKE OUR
    MONEY AND 'TALK.'" ( LAUGHTER )
    TALK?
    WHAT IS THAT?
    WHY WOULD HE SAY TALK?
    I ASSUME "TALK" WAS IN QUOTES BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW SPANISH
    IS A REAL LANGUAGE.
    ( LAUGHTER ) (AS TRUMP)
    "WHAT ARE THEY JIBBERING?
    IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE SHOUTING MENU ITEMS FROM TACO
    BELL AT ME.
    HOLD ON.
    LET ME TRY: 'HOLA, A CHALUPA GORDITA TO YOU, AND MANY HAPPY
    CRUNCHWRAP SUPREMES."
    ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU.
    THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
    HE FINISHED UP: (AS TRUMP)
    "BESIDES, WE LOSE SO MUCH MONEY WITH THEM, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU
    ADD IN DRUG TRAFFICKING E.T.C.-- RANDOM CLOSE PARENTHESIS-- COMMA
    THAT THE BORDER CLOSING WOULD BE A GOOD THING!"
    NO, IT WOULDN'T.
    CLOSING THE BORDER WOULD NOT BE A GOOD THING.
    ACCORDING TO THE U.S. CHAMBER OF COMMERCE, THE U.S. AND MEXICO
    TRADE ABOUT $1.7 BILLION IN GOODS DAILY AND THIS DECISION
    WOULD THREATEN FIVE MILLION AMERICAN JOBS.
    WHICH IS WHY THEY CALLED IT "AN UNMITIGATED ECONOMIC DEBACLE."
    TO WHICH TRUMP SAID: (AS TRUMP)
    "THANKS SO MUCH, I'VE ALWAYS SAID AMERICA'S ECONOMY HAS
    TOO MUCH 'BACLE'.
    IT IS OUR JOB TO DE-BACLE IT.
    ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) FINALLY -- YEAH -- FINALLY, AN
    AUDIENCE WILLING TO SEE THE PRESIDENT'S SIDE OF THESE
    THINGS.
    ( PIANO RIFF ) EVEN WORSE, EXPERTS SAY, IF
    IMPORTS FROM MEXICO WERE STOPPED TODAY, AMERICANS WOULD RUN OUT
    OF AVOCADOS IN THREE WEEKS.
    ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) ( BOOING )
    HOLY LACK OF GUACAMOLE!
    NO AVOCADOS.
    WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO PUT ON OUR TOAST, NOW?
    ( LAUGHTER ) JELLY?
    GO TO CONCORD GRAPE HELL, OLD MAN!
    ( LAUGHTER ) BUT TRUMP DOESN'T BELIEVE
    SO-CALLED "EXPERTS" WITH THEIR SO-CALLED "FACTS."
    ( LAUGHTER ) AT A RALLY IN MICHIGAN, HE TOLD
    THE CROWD THE MOVE WOULD ACTUALLY BE GOOD FOR THE
    ECONOMY.
    >> I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW IT OR NOT, MICHIGAN, BUT MEXICO
    TOOK ABOUT 30% OF YOUR CAR BUSINESS.
    IF WE CLOSE THE BORDER, THAT MEANS WE'RE NOT TAKING THOSE
    CARS INTO OUR COUNTRY.
    AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
    THAT MEANS YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE MORE CARS HERE IN THE GOOD OLD
    U.S.A.
    >> STEPHEN: (AS TRUMP) "THAT'S RIGHT.
    NO IMPORTED CARS.
    OR EXPORTED CARS.
    WE'LL SHUT OURSELVES OFF TO THE WORLD, JUST LIKE NORTH KOREA.
    GET READY FOR THE EXCITING NEW 2019 PONTIAC OX CART."
    ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, A LOT OF THESE ASYLUM
    SEEKERS COME FROM CENTRAL AMERICA, SO TO PUNISH THESE
    COUNTRIES, TRUMP HAS OFFICIALLY TAKEN STEPS TO CUT OFF AID TO
    GUATEMALA, HONDURAS, AND EL SALVADOR.
    OR AS IT WAS REPORTED BY FOX NEWS: "TRUMP CUTS U.S. AID TO
    THREE MEXICAN COUNTRIES."
    ( LAUGHTER ) ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
    THAT'S RIGHT.
    ( BOOING ) NOW WE KNOW WHY MEXICO DIDN'T
    PAY FOR THE WALL.
    TRUMP ONLY ASKED ONE OF THE MEXICOS.
    ( LAUGHTER ) I'M SURE THE OTHER TWO WOULD
    CHIP IN.
    CUT THE COST.
    ( APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: THAT'S TRUE.
    >> Stephen: THEY COULD.
    THEY MIGHT.
    >> Jon: MAYBE.
    MAYBE.
    WHO KNOWS.
    >> Stephen: I LOOK FORWARD TO FUTURE FOX NEWS GRAPHICS LIKE
    "THOUSANDS OF MEXICANS MARCH IN PUERTO RICO
    DAY PARADE," "RUNNING OF THE BULLS TODAY IN EURO-MEXICO,"
    AND "WARNING SIGN PLACED ON FLOOR-MEXICO."
    ( LAUGHTER ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
    TONIGHT.
    NATHAN LANE IS HERE.
    BUT WHEN WE RETURN, JOE BIDEN.
    JOE BIDEN!
    STICK AROUND.
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