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How to Deal with Jerks Like A Gentleman DOs & DON'Ts

How to Deal with Jerks Like A Gentleman DOs & DON'Ts
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    Welcome back to the Gentleman's Gazette! Today's video is all about how to
    deal with jerks because we all have a jerk or two in our lives. We probably had
    a boss who was a jerk, maybe a neighbor, a family member, a friend, or someone else
    who's close to you. I mean, frankly, we're all jerks sometimes; if we have bad nights
    of sleep, maybe if we were sick, or if we just have another thing to deal with, we
    can all behave like a jerk, however, we're talking more about people who are
    constantly and unapologetically a jerk. The weird thing is that being a jerk is
    sometimes correlated to being successful. For example, Steve Jobs was a bonafide
    jerk yet he was very successful. So just because you're a jerk doesn't mean
    you're automatically successful. Often, it's the opposite and in today's video,
    we show you how you can deal with jerks without going down to their level. So
    first of all, what exactly is a jerk and how can you earn respect without being
    one? To answer those questions, please check out this video here. In a nutshell,
    jerks are stubborn, they're just full of themselves, they just care about
    themselves, they're not open to criticism or change, and they're just about
    winning, putting others down, and getting ahead in life no matter the cost.
    Interestingly when surveyed, a lot more people describe being subject to
    oppression of jerks rather than admitting to being one themselves. That
    means there are a lot of people who are jerks but they don't think of themselves
    as being a jerk, this is called the blame bias. When we see behavior in others,
    we assume that they're trying to be a jerk and mean about things yet when we
    do the exact same thing, we have different motives and we don't think of
    ourselves as being a jerk, when in fact, other people assume we are. When people
    behave badly, they often think of it as being justified but they're the only one
    thinking that way, all the others just think you're a jerk. The bigger problem
    with this behavior is that it can be contagious and other people can act in
    the same way and then it brings down the entire community .The
    first strategy in dealing with jerks is to make sure you're not one yourself. So
    once you've decided you're not a jerk, the first step to dealing with jerks is
    to take action. Simply accepting behavior of jerks or just letting it go is not
    going to make the situation better or resolve anything. You're instead
    empowering the jerks to continue doing what they do because they see no
    obstacle in behaving that way. Jerks are often stubborn and are unlikely to change
    so you have to change something because that's something you can control.
    First of all, you have to determine what kind of jerk you're dealing with; is it a
    clueless jerk who doesn't know he's a jerk or is it an unrepentant jerk who
    knows what they do is wrong but they just don't care. Dealing with a clueless jerk
    is easy because they actually might mean well and they simply just don't know
    about it. The best way to deal with it is to take that person aside in a private
    moment and address the issue. Don't address it in front of a group where
    they can feel attacked or where they feel particularly vulnerable, take them
    aside so no one else can see it, have a word with them, and explain what you've
    seen. A clueless jerk will likely apologize, be sorry about it, and promise
    to change. Now in those situations, it is best not to confront the people head-on
    but just say "I noticed", "it seems like". Avoid terms like "you behave like an
    asshole" instead say, "lately I noticed that there were some tensions around you
    or you behaved in a way that made others uncomfortable" that way, you're not just
    blaming him outright but you just explain a situation and giving them a
    way to save their face. It's important to focus on their behavior, not them as a
    person, otherwise, they're likely to shut down and not take any of your criticism.
    Second, it's great to have a remedy in mind and not just throw something out
    there and expect them to come up with a solution. Again, don't tell people what
    they should or should not do. Rather, share maybe an experience of a similar
    situation which really helped to come to a solution. That way, the clueless jerk
    will think they came up with a solution and because of that, they're much more
    likely to act on it rather than if you tell them what they should or should not
    do. Now, when you've dealt with jerks, you probably assume that they're not a
    clueless jerk because to you, it seems obvious they are unrepentant and they do
    it because they enjoy it but that is part of the blame bias and it's best for you
    to assume that everyone is a clueless jerk and therefore, you should always, as
    a first step, take them aside privately and approach them in the way just
    described. Now if you've done that and the behavior
    doesn't change, you deal with an unrepentant jerk. Unfortunately, there's
    not a cooking recipe to deal with those kind of jerks,
    however, chances are they're not likely or easily going to change. Also, the power
    dynamics in a relationship are hugely important. If the jerk is a parent or a
    boss and you feel powerless, it's best to ignore those people, walk away from them,
    and politely decline to even engage in a conversation with them. Simply ignore
    them and take out the steam of their behavior that way. The next step means
    it's time to change for you. You either have to quit, transfer to a different
    department, or maybe end the relationship because if you address their behavior
    directly with your superior, chances are they're gonna retaliate against you and
    make your life even worse. Now, if the power dynamics are equal and it's someone like
    a friend, a sibling, or a colleague, you are at the same level, you have a few
    different options. The one is to simply shun them, ignore them, exclude them from
    events, and have a certain icy politeness but you're clear that you don't want to
    have anything to do with them, you don't want to listen to them, and you don't
    want to be around them. Another option would be to fight fire with fire.
    Now, this is very risky because a jerk will drag you down to their level and
    beat you there with experience. So if a jerk
    yells at you, it's not wise to yell back but you can speak up, you can confront them,
    and tell them that it's not okay. You can even do so in front of others and see if
    that makes a change. If it doesn't, chances are its best simply to ignore
    them and again, quit that relationship or try to move in a place where you don't
    have to deal with that kind of behavior. If quitting is not an option, fighting
    fire with fire is your only option and that unrepentant jerk really
    understands that language so it may lead you somewhere but be careful. Now,
    what about if you have a jerk who is your employee or your subordinate? In
    that case, things are a lot easier. Basically, you use your power and your
    force to require change; you take them aside, you address the issue, you tell
    them what needs to happen, and if it doesn't happen, you simply fire them and
    you just have to stick to that. Now, one thing that works no matter what the
    power dynamics are is to not give a ****, however, that's the most difficult one
    and it often requires a lot of good acting and self-discipline but
    ultimately, if you can show people that you don't care either about their
    behavior or about them, it makes them maybe angry or rethink their behavior
    simply because a jerk wants attention and if you don't give them attention and
    if you don't give them gratification, they may deflate and maybe they'll move
    on and you can stay where you are. In my opinion, it's one of the hardest
    approaches because it requires a lot of willpower on your end.
    So in conclusion, jerks are everywhere. You should always assume that if you
    encounter them that they're clueless jerks take them aside privately tell
    them about it if they still don't correct their behavior they are unrepentant
    jerks and now you have different methods to deal with that
    you can either shun them ignore them or fight fire with fire
    in today's video I am wearing a single breasted navy suit with notched lapels but
    I really changed the look of it by wearing a red striped shirt combined
    with a contrasting off-white double-breasted
    waistcoat in velvety doe skin material I'm combining it with a dark or medium
    brown grenadine tie with a boutonniere from
    Fort Belvedere just like the tie which you can find in our shop here and it
    picks up the white tones of the vest and a stripe in the shirt the pocket square is
    red and off-white polka dots and it picks up the overall color scheme as you
    can see because of the contrast it looks very different than your typical
    run-of-the-mill navy suit this is enhanced by the fact that I'm wearing
    brown suede leather boots which are softer than maybe a black oxford that
    you would usually encounter yet it works well with my brown tie my shirt cuffs are
    French cuffs for double cuffs and I'm wearing a pair of gold monkey fist knot
    cufflinks which very timeless and classic and are inspired by the nautical
    knot and you can find them in our shop here
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