Jimmy Kimmel Accepts Ted Cruz’s Challenge

Jimmy Kimmel Accepts Ted Cruz’s Challenge
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    [ LAUGHTER ]
    HE KNOWS CAVS IS SHORT FOR
    CAVALIERS, NOT THE BODY PART?
    I GOT AN INTERESTING
    BASKETBALL-RELATED INVITATION
    FROM NONE OTHER THAN TED CRUZ.
    TED CRUZ, THE GUY WHO ONCE
    CALLED THE HOOP THE BASKETBALL
    RING ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL.
    TUESDAY NIGHT I MADE MENTION OF
    THE FACT THAT TED CRUZ WAS AT
    GAME SEVEN BETWEEN THE ROCKETS
    AND THE WARRIORS IN HOUSTON.
    HE TWEETED A PHOTO OF HIMSELF
    FROM THE GAME, AND I NOTICED
    THAT HE LOOKED LIKE A BLOBFISH.
    [ LAUGHTER ]
    SO APPARENTLY TED GOT WIND OF
    THIS AND LAST NIGHT HE TWEETED,
    JIMMY KIMMEL, ALL RIGHT BIG GUY,
    YOU TALK A GOOD GAME, YOU
    BESMIRCHED MY SUPPORT FOR THE
    HOUSTON -- BESMIRCH.
    HE REALLY KNOWS HIS WAY AROUND A
    DISH TRACK, THIS TED.
    LET'S SETTLE THIS MAN TO MAN,
    ONE ON ONE, HOOPS OR RING BALL
    IF YOU PREFER, THE LOSER GIVES
    $5,000 TO THE NONPOLITICAL
    CHARITY OF THE WINNER'S CHOICE.
    I IMMEDIATELY WENT ONLINE AND
    GOOGLED "HOW TO GUARD A
    BLOBFISH."
    [ LAUGHTER ]
    THEN I WENT ON TWITTER AND I
    WROTE BACK, I LIKE THIS IDEA,
    I'LL ACCEPT ON ONE CONDITION, WE
    BOTH WEAR VERY SHORT SHORTS.
    WHICH WILL BE GREAT, RIGHT?
    [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
    WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO SEE TED
    CRUZ -- TED IN THOSE LITTLE '80s
    LARRY BIRD SHORTS?
    HE WASN'T AS ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT
    THAT IDEA.
    HE WROTE, AS BORAT DEMONSTRATED
    CONCLUSIVELY, NOBODY WANTS TO
    SEE THAT AND ABC WOULD PROBABLY
    BE FINED BY THE FCC.
    HOW ABOUT THIS YOU DRESS
    YOURSELF, I'LL DO THE SAME, PLAY
    TO 10, BY ONES, WIN BY TWO.
    TO TRY AGAIN I WROTE, CROP TOPS?
    [ LAUGHTER ]
    THAT DIDN'T FLY EITHER.
    HE WROTE, JIMMY KIMMEL, NEVER
    MIND THE DRESS CODE.
    NOW I'M ANNOYING HIM.
    WE CAN PLAY TO 10 OR 21 OR 50,
    YOUR CHOICE, ADAM CAROLLA CAN
    PROVIDE COLOR COMMENTARY.
    IF WE PLAYED TO 50, WE'D BOTH BE
    DEAD BY THE END OF THE GAME.
    [ LAUGHTER ]
    MAYBE THAT'S THE WAY TO GO,
    SACRIFICE MYSELF FOR THE GOOD OF
    THE LAND.
    THIS COULD BE A REAL THING.
    WHY HE WANTS TO DO THIS I HAVE
    NO IDEA.
    YOU REALLY WANT TO PLAY
    BASKETBALL AGAINST A TALK SHOW
    HOST?
    YOU ALREADY LOST AN ELECTION TO
    A REALITY SHOW HOST, ISN'T THAT
    ENOUGH?
    [ LAUGHTER AND GROANS ]
    IF HE WANTS TO DO IT, I FEEL
    THAT I HAVE TO DO IT, RIGHT?
    BESIDES, WHO NEEDS TO WATCH
    LeBRON AND KEVIN DURANT AGAIN
    WHEN WE CAN INSTEAD FOCUS ON TWO
    OUT OF SHAPE WHITE MEN IN THEIR
    50s WITH LITTLE TO NO ATHLETIC
    ABILITY INSTEAD?
    [ LAUGHTER ]
    YES, TED CRUZ, I DO ACCEPT YOUR
    CHALLENGE.
    I WILL PLAY YOU ONE ON ONE.
    [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
    I WILL NOT UNDERESTIMATE YOU.
    I KNOW YOU RUN SOME KIND OF
    BASKETBALL LEAGUE FOR SENATORS,
    YOU PROBABLY THINK YOU'RE GOOD.
    I KNOW YOU PLAYED BASKETBALL
    WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER.
    I SAW THE PICTURE IN YOUR HIGH
    SCHOOL YEARBOOK.
    [ LAUGHTER ]
    BUT I WILL WARN YOU OF WHAT
    HAPPENED THE LAST TIME SOMEONE
    CHALLENGED ME TO PLAY ONE ON
    ONE.
    >> ALL RIGHT, YOU READY?
    HERE WE GO.
    >> PUT IT THIS WAY, IF HE SCORES
    ON ME, I'LL COME ON HIS SHOW
    BUCK NAKED.
    >> LOOK AT THAT HOW ABOUT THAT!
    >> Jimmy: SENATOR, I PLAYED
    AGAINST SHAQUILLE O'NEAL.
    I KNOW SHAQ.
    SHAQ IS A FRIEND OF MINE.
    AND YOU, SENATOR CRUZ, ARE NO
    SHAQUILLE O'NEAL.
    [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
    GOT TO FIGURE OUT THE DETAILS.
    MAYBE WE SHOULD DO THIS THE
    MONDAY BEFORE THE MIDTERMS.
    IT WOULD BE FUN TO SEE HIM LOSE
    TWICE IN ONE WEEK, RIGHT?
    [ AUDIENCE GROANING ]
    GUILLERMO, WE'RE DOING TWO A
    DAYS EVERY DAY STARTING THIS
    WEEKEND, YOU BE READY.
    >> Guillermo: I'M READY, YEAH.
    >> Jimmy: OKAY.
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