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You're Not Edgy, You're Just Lazy

You're Not Edgy, You're Just Lazy
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    (upbeat jingle)
    - So, yeah, I guess I'm just a single lawyer
    trying to make it in the big city.
    Will I succeed?
    Can I have it all?
    I don't know.
    I guess we'll just have to find out.
    - Uh, tight, tight, tight.
    - Um, so what do you do again?
    - Uh, I don't really liked to be tied down anywhere,
    I don't even really look for gigs,
    I just hate formal job searches,
    you know, let them come to me.
    It's more anarchist that way.
    - Heh, cool.
    Oh, something wrong?
    - No, I'm just itching.
    - Oh, my sister had that and it ended up
    being something with her shampoo.
    - Oh, no, that never really happened for me.
    - Sham...poo... never happened?
    - Yeah, I just don't like society telling me
    to wash my hair, or not have lice.
    Let my hair do what it wants, alright?
    It's more anarchist that way.
    - (laughter) Hmm.
    - Sup?
    - Forgive me, Fin, it just seems like all these things
    are less anarchist and more
    adult responsibilities you don't want to do.
    - System getting into your head, comrade, alright?
    It's the invisible hand of the market
    reaching into your brains and telling you how to think
    or not to steal cutlery.
    - Why are you taking the cutlery?
    - You should always steal.
    Otherwise you're paying rent at corporate America.
    We own the source material, we own the labor,
    we're the people, let's take back what ours!
    I could actually use one of these.
    - What source material?
    What do you own?
    How is buying something like paying rent?
    - I wouldn't know, I don't do it.
    - You don't pay rent.
    - Rent is systemic noise, alright, and who can remember
    that first of the month stuff anyway?
    - Rent is a standard part of adulthood,
    it sounds just like you're just forgetting.
    - How can you forget, when I don't even check my mail.
    - You don't check your mail.
    - It's invisible labor.
    I don't jive with that.
    - What are you even talking about?
    So far, you have cited both socialism and anarchism
    as a basis for your beliefs,
    which are insanely different!
    Which leads me even more to believe
    that you are just retroactively coming up
    with philosophies as a justification
    for not being a real adult.
    - No way.
    Do you have any papes?
    - No, I don't have any papes.
    - This fucking system, this god damn system
    is always bringing me down.
    - Not having "papes" is not the system!
    It's your forgetting to buy them.
    Why do you have to turn every stupid thing
    you refuse to do into something political?
    - (chuckles) Ugh.
    - What?
    - No, you mentioned politics and that's,
    I don't know, funny to me.
    - Why?
    - How do I explain this?
    Uh, politics are so common, so blah, I don't engage.
    - Do you vote?
    - No.
    Burn it all down, comrade.
    - Are you a socialist or anarchist?
    - Whoa, don't be so fascist.
    That's very not anarchist.
    - Okay, you do not wash your hair,
    you do not pay rent,
    you are not some alternative.
    You are just some lazy boy pretending
    to be an intellectual!
    - Whoa. (dreamy instrumental music)
    Maybe you're right.
    Maybe this is all a facade.
    Maybe I am trying to escape responsibility.
    Maybe I am just a privileged, lazy idiot.
    - Hi, whenever you're ready.
    - Thanks.
    - Well, do you want to split this?
    - Oh, I didn't bring a wallet,
    I hate capitalism.
    (electronic music)
    - [Woman] I'm going to find the waitress.
    - Cool, did you tip because they don't get good wages here.
    - [Woman] Mhm, yep!
    - How much, 20%?
    - [Woman] Mhm.
    - Okay, I hope so.
    - Hi, I'm Rekha from College Humor.
    Click here to subscribe, click here for other fun stuff
    and thank you so much for watching.
    I love my job and I'm definitely not trapped in this video.
    (breath exhaling)
    (squeaky sounds)
    Things are great!