Mother's Day, Apple Could Become the First $1 Trillion Company - Monologue

Mother's Day, Apple Could Become the First $1 Trillion Company - Monologue
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    -Guys, Mother's Day is coming up on Sunday.
    [ Cheers and applause ]
    It's that day every year when moms say,
    "What's that burning smell?" And dad's like,
    "You know what, honey? Let's go out for breakfast."
    [ Laughter ]
    I saw the average person spends $180 for Mother's Day.
    They spend $20 on a gift and then $160 on overnight shipping.
    [ Laughter ]
    Forgot it's Mother's Day. Tomorrow?
    Get this. On Sunday, Hooters is letting moms eat free.
    [ Laughter ]
    Before you decide to take your mom over to Hooters on Sunday,
    here are some places that are better options.
    There you go. Um...
    [ Cheers and applause ]
    Now, listen to this. Today, the White House held
    a big technology summit to talk about artifical intelligence.
    Trump actually love artificial intelligence,
    'cause at this point, Alexa's the only woman
    still talking to him.
    [ Cheers and applause ]
    That's right, today, a bunch of CEOs from Silicon Valley
    were at the White House.
    Trump was afraid to go, 'cause when he heard silicon,
    he assumed Stormy Daniels would be there.
    [ Applause ]
    -Ho! -Some more tech news.
    By the end of this week, Apple could be the world's first
    trillion-dollar company.
    [ Audience murmurs ]
    You can tell they're rich, 'cause when you ask Siri
    to set an alarm, she goes, "I don't do that stuff anymore."
    [ Applause ]
    And finally, in Poland yesterday,
    a truck carrying liquid chocolate overturned
    on the highway and spilled all over the road.
    When police arrived at the scene, they were like,
    "Dear God, please let that be chocolate."
    We have a great show tonight. Give it up for...
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