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How to Be an Exceptional Leader | Judah Smith on Impact Theory

How to Be an Exceptional Leader | Judah Smith on Impact Theory
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    - Everyone does not have to believe what I believe
    but I want everyone to feel like they matter,
    they have purpose, they have someone who loves them,
    will listen to them, care for them.
    And I actually think we could do that on a grand scale.
    And I imagine communities that can also do that
    before you know it, we can have a lot less lonely people
    in the world.
    And that would be pretty awesome.
    (audience applauding)
    - Everybody, welcome to Impact Theory.
    You're here, my friends, because you believe that human
    potential is nearly limitless, but you know that having
    potential's not the same as actually
    doing something with it.
    So our goal with this show and company is to introduce you
    to the people and ideas that will help you actually
    execute on your dreams.
    All right, today's guest is the chaplain for the
    Seattle Seahawks and leads a mega church attended by
    over 10,000 people.
    He is one of the most phenomenal public speakers
    I have ever seen, and he's making so many waves
    that he's been interviewed by everyone from
    Maria Shriver to The Today Show.
    Known as the Millennial Preacher to The Stars,
    he counts Justin Bieber, Russell Wilson, Kevin Durant,
    Tim Tebow, and top golfer Bubba Watson as congregation
    members and close friends.
    And while I'm sure he hates any title with "to the stars"
    in it, his impact in some of the biggest athletes
    in the world led Fox Sports to call him one of the
    most influential people in the sports today,
    a pretty incredible title for someone who doesn't play
    or even coach.
    But no matter what you call him,
    it's impossible to deny that he's tapped in
    the youth culture in a powerful way and captured
    the imagination of an entirely new generation
    of people that had been moving away
    from organized religion in droves.
    With over one million social followers,
    50,000 people listening to his sermons online
    and churches in Seattle, Los Angeles, and Guadalajara,
    it's easy to see that he's touched a nerve.
    And having witnessed him on stage first-hand,
    I can tell you right now that he manages to bring together
    and electrify the most eclectic group of people I have ever
    seen in one space from rabbis to die-hard hipsters,
    celebrities, and everyone in between:
    the young, the old, the well-dressed, the under-dressed,
    and the kid with a sequin trucker hat
    that simply read fuck.
    He welcomes everyone regardless of faith and captivates them
    with stories with not only who they are
    but who they can becomes.
    A seventh generation pastor who is radically inclusive
    and clearly one of the greatest orders of our time.
    He's got insights, wisdom, and a deep humility that
    transcend faith and denomination, and make his message
    truly accessible to all.
    So please help me in welcoming the New York Times
    best selling author who is changing the phase
    of religion one Instagram post at a time, Judah smith.
    (audience applauding)
    - How're you doing?
    So good.
    (indistinct talking)
    Good.
    - Thank you for being here.
    - What an intro.
    I wanna meet that guy.
    - You made that very easy, very easy because I've seen
    you speak and I've seen you speak live.
    Now the great irony of all of this is
    is that a mutual friend of ours who happens to be Jewish
    is the guy that took me to see you speak.
    - Yeah.
    - And he was saying that regardless of faith, denomination,
    he was like, every time I go see Judah speak,
    I feel better.
    Now that was such a really interesting.
    So I wanted to go, I wanted to see it for myself,
    and I was captivated is the right word.
    And as somebody who at least makes part of my
    living speaking, I was astonished.
    In fact, I had a moment like you had.
    You played, so you played basketball.
    - I did, I was a hooper.
    - And you played against Kid Tracy.
    - Tracy McGrady.
    - Okay, Tracy McGrady.
    And you said when you saw him play, it made you
    wanna quit. - I quit.
    I did quit.
    That's a true story.
    I did.
    - Seeing you speak made me wanna quit.
    No, no, no, I'm deadly serious.
    It was crazy. - Thank you.
    - So before we get into that, I know that we'll talk
    more about that later, but I wanna start with Pete Caroll,
    the Seahawks, and leadership.
    So how'd you get that gig and what is Coach Caroll--
    - It's the greatest job I've ever had.
    I have to say that.
    And I don't know if that's okay to say like if church
    members are watching, but being like the chaplain
    for your favorite sports team in the world,
    I still pinch myself out of that.
    - So you've said that Coach Caroll
    may be the greatest leader you've ever seen,
    what makes him great?
    - There's nothing about Coach Caroll that is disingenuine.
    I don't even know if it's in his DNA to be disingenuine.
    He says what he means, follows through on what he does,
    and cares so deeply.
    We'll have guys that will be in workouts that aren't even
    on the team yet and coaches there to affirm them
    and encourages them, and say hey, man,
    it's real honor to have you here.
    It's completely abnormal how much he cares about people.
    Any room he walks in to he makes an eye contact.
    The little things that I think are big things,
    makes eye contact will make connections,
    shake your hand, hey, are you doing good?
    And when he asks are you doing good,
    he doesn't walk away, it's not rhetorical.
    Like when he says are you doing good,
    he waits for a response.
    And so I watch him like a hawk, to be honest,
    no puns definitely intended.
    And with the Seahawks I've just learned so much from him.
    I really respect him.
    I love his wife, his family, his son, Nate,
    also leads on the team.
    And I just hope he's watching right now.
    I love you, Coach.
    (laughter)
    - For anybody that wants to be a better leader,
    what are some principles that you think
    any great leader does?
    - Someone asked me one time, they said,
    when do you think you became a good communicator?
    First of all, I love the question.
    I'm like, you're insinuiting I'm a good communicator,
    thank you.
    And I said, I actually have an answer.
    I know exactly what had happened which is weird.
    I'm definitely kind of an abstract random person,
    so sometimes I don't have concrete answers,
    but I had one.
    And it was when I cared more about people than speaking
    or preaching.
    And when I walk through that threshold and fell in love
    with people who trusted me to lead them
    or add value to them, I got lost.
    An all of the sudden the gift that I had been working on
    for so long was free to be what it truly is.
    And coach embodies, he really kinda lose,
    he's not thinking I'm gonna lead today,
    I'm gonna be a leader today.
    I think he's thinking I'm gonna love these guys,
    I'm gonna encourage these guys, I'm gonna build them up.
    And so I think intentionality's so imperative,
    but as you develop your gift and your ability
    and it grows, well, if you fall in love with the people
    that give you the privilege and honor to guide them
    and lead them, it never ceases to amaze me, Tom.
    I'll be in a green room looking out kind of the back
    of our, one of our buildings and I see single moms
    in the rain in Seattle, pulling, trying to find
    a parking spot to come to church or come hear me speak
    and it's like, whoa,
    I really gotta love this individual today to ensure
    that the effort they took to get there pays off.
    So coach is, he really cares about people first.
    - That's cool.
    And one thing that I like about that assessment is also,
    and you've said this, that in sports it's black and white,
    you either win or you lose.
    So how do you marry some of the softer side of leadership
    with loving, leading with intention, and the like
    but we need to win.
    And they're an extraordinary team and have been in what?
    Two Superbowls in recent memory.
    So how as a leader do you,
    and they're in many ways correlates
    between what you've done with your church,
    which is now massive, how do you continue to push that
    forward and make the church bigger and more successful
    and marry that softer side?
    Like where does the drive and just execution path come in?
    - The word accountability comes to mind.
    And I'm really on this journey right now discovering
    what true accountability is and that it's first of all
    it's steeped in ancient Scripture.
    And this idea of real relationship, I don't know if there is
    such a thing apart from accountability I am prone to
    because love, love, love is like my mantra
    because of what I believe and I'm passionate about
    adding love and care and concern and value to people
    that way that sometimes I cannot keep people accountable.
    And so, like I read The Advantage by Lencioni
    and he talked about one of the last cowardice act
    of a leader is firing someone sometimes
    that you were never willing to keep accountable.
    And kind of in my line of work, so to speak,
    we just kinda love hug and hey, if you don't come to work
    today, if you don't deliver, if you don't produce,
    if you aren't good at your job, it's okay.
    God loves you, I love you.
    And that's sloppy, it's not authentic, it's not genuine.
    And so what I have learned from Russell, QB1, or coach
    is that keeping each other accountable actually breeds
    intimacy, it breeds camaraderie, and it's a beautiful thing.
    So I guess the only answer I could give right now
    is I'm really leaning in to what does
    accountability look like.
    I don't think I'm good at it and I wanna be good at it.
    I love to love people, but part of loving people is
    saying hey, you need to follow through.
    And I think that's where coach will love all the players
    but oh, my God, I mean, if they don't deliver,
    if they don't make the catch, if they don't run the route,
    if they don't make the block, he's the first guy in there
    faced to say you are letting, as he says, the team down
    and the family down.
    Pull your weight.
    And I think there's a beauty to that that actually breeds
    security 'cause you're like dad or the coach is gonna
    tell me the truth if I need to show her some things up.
    - Wow, that is actually really amazing.
    And in business I have found something similar
    to be true and it stung a little when you said,
    'cause I haven't read the book that you mentioned.
    - Okay, yeah.
    - And when you talked about that it's actually laziness
    to fire somebody that you weren't holding them
    accountable for the whole thing.
    And I get that and have been guilty of that in the past.
    So how can, if somebody is rather than the coach
    or the player, how can they embrace accountability?
    What are the things you do you said
    that you wanna be more accountable?
    What are things you do in your life
    to actually work towards that?
    - Not avoid conflict, which is part of not only
    what this book speaks to, but what I've experienced.
    Avoiding conflict minimizes the depth of relationship
    that you're gonna experience,
    and of course, the excellence in which
    you can experience progress and fulfillment
    and live your dreams.
    And so we are conditioned, particularly, if I could speak
    to people in the faith community,
    work very conditioned to just like love, love, love.
    It's all good and it gets very greasy
    and it's not authentic.
    So I think you actually address, hey,
    there needs to be some conflict here and this is good.
    So this literally happened yesterday
    in one of our executive meetings,
    is two individuals in the meeting, I was like, hey,
    you're not saying anything, you just shut down.
    You are clearly, visibly your body language is
    you are frustrated.
    You guys need to have a conflict right now, and it's good
    so let's go.
    And sure enough this person was like,
    well, I feel like intimidated.
    And this person is like, what are you talking about?
    It was six weeks ago, and I'm like, here we go.
    And I stopped them for a second, I said, now this is good.
    This is family, we're gonna keep doing this.
    But before the emotion begins, we've gotta set up like,
    okay, we're going to look for conflict in this relationship,
    in this business, in this organization
    because it's going to be good for us
    and it's gonna keep us from being robots
    and show up to work where eventually,
    we despise where we work
    because nobody's genuine and honest.
    And we end up talking at the water cooler,
    about the person we should be talking to face-to-face.
    So I think really leaning into conflict
    and now you're picking up on where we are right now
    as an organization, where I'm at as a leader
    is I've been avoiding conflict
    and I'm like making guys get into it
    and gals get into it in a really healthy way
    in a safe environment.
    - Have you read Principles by Ray Dalio?
    - No.
    - Oh, dude, I think you would love it.
    So-- - Okay, I will.
    - Literally what you're describing is,
    is what he writes in that book that need for
    saying the honest thing, saying the hard things
    that ultimately though that's the only kind of culture
    that's sustainable, that's scalable.
    And yeah, like really taking the time to save the things
    that are obvious,
    but something about society tells us not to say.
    Like when you see the person is clearly pissed off
    and shut down, but actually saying it out loud
    is pretty incredible.
    And I wanna take that and talk about athletes,
    so calling out the obvious saying that nobody talks about
    seems to be something inherent in athletics that I love,
    which is the black and white thing that you talked about,
    you either win or you lose,
    how can people bring that notion into real life
    where it is so hazy?
    How can you get like a laser clarity?
    - I definitely think, recently, I was hearing a speaker
    and he says, what do you want?
    And the room gets quiet, and he's like,
    most people don't say what they want in life.
    Where they wanna go, who they wanna be.
    They take it as it comes,
    which is really disturbing and sad, but it's true.
    Like friends, is we take friendships as they come.
    We're just like, well, I guess we kinda met
    and you like juice boxes and I like juice boxes,
    so let's just hang out
    and like talk about Capri Sun or whatever.
    And it's like no, like I'm gonna pursue people that,
    I mean, like you do.
    I feel like you challenge me in that regard.
    Like you're pursuing people that you wanna mine out
    the gold in them and learn from them,
    and I think we ought to be more intentional and be honest
    what do I want, what kind of friends do I want,
    what kind of life do I want,
    and then I think speak that out, first of all.
    Like declare that.
    Be honest.
    Recently, I did an exercise again back to our team
    and they said why do we exist?
    Judah, why do you exist?
    Why do we exist?
    Not the answer you think you're supposed to give,
    but the answer like the truth of what you want
    and why you exist.
    And creating a safe space with the people
    that you intentionally you have chosen your life to go
    all right, we're gonna get bare bones honest here.
    This is actually what I want in life.
    This is actually why exist.
    And then we've gotta like hold each other
    accountable to that.
    Like, bro, you can't wake up at 11 p.m. every day
    if that's what you want.
    And I think that's why I'm a big proponent of community.
    I don't think people can be who they're supposed to be
    without community.
    And community doesn't have to be 10,000 people.
    It can be five, it can be three.
    It can be the right people.
    Not just a bunch of people, but the right people.
    It's been said, show me your friends,
    I'll show you your future.
    Like it's real.
    I can tell you where you're going right now
    by the people you're hanging out with on a consistent basis.
    - So that's one of the questions that I get asked most
    in the world, which is if you're the average
    of the five people you spend the most time with,
    then how do I find those people?
    - How aggressive do you wanna be?
    I'm married to the woman I'm married to today
    because I drove three hours from Seattle to Portland.
    Didn't have a second thought about it.
    And by the way, at a moment's notice, if she's like
    I got 10 minutes later today,
    I'm like I can get there in three hours.
    I'm gonna be there at your doorstep
    and I'm gonna keep bugging you.
    I have friends today, if I could be so bold,
    and I am their friends because they finally wore me down.
    And it was like, you know what, we're gonna hang out
    because you're always around.
    And one of the teaching steeped in ancient Scripture
    is abide in me and I'll abide in you.
    And my pastor, my mentor, his name is Brian Houston,
    pastors of a Global Church.
    He doesn't have to text me or call me.
    I text him.
    I call him.
    I'm always where he's at.
    If he's in the States,
    he's usually in Australia, if he's in the States,
    guess who's gonna be around him?
    I'm gonna be there.
    If he's speaking somewhere, I'm gonna do my best to be there
    because I chose him.
    And eventually he's like, all right, all right.
    He sounds like Bruce, the shark.
    He's like all right, mate, all right
    and we end up just being together.
    But I would say, man, get aggressive.
    And I feel like I can make an assumption
    that I think you're that way too.
    It's like, no, I'm gotta get to know this person.
    I wanna be around this person.
    And you say, well, Judah, they live across the world.
    I can't even meet, well then download all their material.
    Get everything they have.
    Read it, devour it, study, watch, and grow and learn.
    - Dude, so I'm not religious at all, but what I love is that
    it's harder to be like you are and to have grown
    like you've grown in a religious community.
    In some ways, it's been easier for me because I'm not
    beholden a certain set of rules and guidelines.
    How on earth have you built what you've built?
    People must be giving you like a hard time
    about the size of the church, how visible you are
    that it is very easy to call you famous.
    When I went to see you speak and we went backstage briefly
    and I won't mention any names
    you haven't already talked about publicly,
    but, dude, there were so many famous people backstage.
    I was like, duh, what is happening?
    Like it was pure insanity.
    And how have you been able to stay the course
    to be aggressive, to say what you want,
    to go after it, to build it
    and only include more and more people?
    Have you not alienated?
    Like when I, dude, honestly,
    I've never seen a more collective group of people together.
    It's not just a bunch of hipster kids,
    like it was there were old people there,
    there was a rabbi.
    It was so crazy.
    So how do you balance the
    you guys wanna hold me to this standard,
    the traditional religious narrative,
    but this is what I want in the world and still go after it?
    - Honestly, the only true answer I can give is relationship
    and the power of relationship.
    I'm a curious person, so I love listening to people.
    I love hearing your story.
    I'm a quick assimilator,
    so I love to just like, whoa, I'm gonna take that.
    I'm gonna take that.
    I'm not a big reader, that's my dirty little secret.
    And leaders are readers, and readers are leaders
    so I'm failing, but I love to read people.
    I love to read people.
    I'll read people all day long.
    I love reading body language, I love room dynamics,
    how people are feeling because of who they are,
    how they look or their background and culture.
    So I love that, and I feel like that certainly helps us
    tell a story that hopefully resonates with people.
    But big picture,
    I'm a seventh generation speaker, communicator.
    My dad is my hero.
    I was given such a secure life.
    My dad was the most loving, caring person.
    Tom, every day of my life, my dad said, people like you
    and they wanna hear what you have to say.
    People like you and they wanna hear what you have to say.
    So I gotta be really honest, I had a huge head start in life
    and I have to own that.
    - That's incredible, and I definitely wanna talk
    about your dad in a minute, but something you said in there
    I wanna go back to which is you're really vulnerable.
    And seeing you up on stage and being so,
    like you never try to make yourself look cool.
    And I mean, look,
    and I think you're probably self-aware enough to know
    that that's, in some ways, the ultimate form of cool,
    but you admit things that you're struggling with
    and do it in a way that makes that really accessible.
    Was that a choice?
    Like what's the power of vulnerability,
    I guess is my real question.
    - It's definitely steeped in our tradition
    and what's taught in Scripture.
    That's my ultimate inspiration.
    I also was taught at a very young age that people relate
    to your weaknesses far more than your strengths.
    And preachers, if I could be so bold,
    are the absolute worst at this.
    Our platforms are getting higher and bigger.
    I think the trend ought to be our platforms,
    it might not be the actual stage height,
    but you know what I mean metaphorically.
    They need to get smaller and we need to recognize that,
    like I told a pastor friend of my recently.
    I'm like you lead a church, but you're not in it.
    Like you lead a community, but you don't participate in it.
    You're just a pro-speaker that shows up on Sundays,
    but you actually don't bleed with anybody.
    You actually don't weep with anybody.
    You don't share your problems and challenges
    and weights and difficulties.
    It's like you and your wife and you just kinda hunker down.
    When are you gonna be in the community?
    The real story is I was 13
    when my dad started the church I now pastor,
    so it's been my family.
    This is my community.
    I'm not speaking professionally to people,
    I'm talking to people who have raised me.
    Mt first job at the church was cleaning toilets.
    I was a custodian listening to Bishop T.D. Jakes,
    listening to Tony Robbins,
    listening to others learning and growing.
    And so I'm just gonna be that guy
    'cause that's just really who I am.
    - Talk to me about that, the learning and growing part.
    So you, and I don't wanna make you uncomfortable
    by continuing to harpen this,
    but I'll tell you a quick story from my own background.
    So I used to wanna be a stand-up comic.
    When I was a teenager, that was my real pursuit.
    I was going hard for it.
    And I went and did an open mic,
    and the way that open mic nights work
    is it starts with a really crowded audience
    and then established comedians come through
    and they try out their stuffs like a random Tuesday night,
    and so it's not like a big audience or anything.
    There's about 300 people to start.
    After so many of these famous comedians are gone,
    there's terrible material 'cause they're just trying it out.
    There was literally, I don't know, seven or eight of us,
    15, something like that left.
    And me and my friend get up to leave
    and this manager comes on and he goes, guys,
    the funniest man in America is about to walk out on stage
    and you're gonna wanna stay for this.
    And so I grabbed my friend.
    I'm like, ah, what do we have to lose.
    Let's sit back down, we'll watch.
    And this guy comes out and he was like,
    everybody, Mitch Hedberg.
    And I'd never heard of Mitch Hedberg ever in my life.
    And for those of you that don't know Mitch Hedberg,
    probably the funniest human being ever to live.
    And so at the end of that, I was like,
    yeah, I'm not doing stand-up comedy.
    Because in all seriousness, to get that good,
    I would have had to dedicate myself to it
    in a way that I wasn't prepared to.
    Not that I couldn't get that good.
    Not that my belief system is
    that I could have gotten that good
    if I wanted to, but I just looked at the amount of time
    that it would take to become that extraordinary,
    and it was unbelievable.
    When I saw you on stage, I was thinking,
    how much time did it take to get that good?
    Like, how do you get that good?
    - I mean, first of all,
    I would like to do this interview with you every day
    because I really feel like we need to do that.
    It's not for me, man, it's for you.
    Like I just need you to encourage me like this.
    Yeah, so I don't feel like that co-host.
    Is that something we're doing here, 'cause, you know.
    Well, my dad, I grew up watching my dad
    and he grew up watching his dad.
    I started doing this at nine years old
    just to audiences ranging from 4,000 to 400.
    I'd get on the stage and dad would say,
    this is my son Judah Edward Smith.
    And he'd say, son, basically take it away
    and I would tell my story of how I almost died three times
    before the age of one years old
    and that I believe that my life had purpose,
    and then I'm here for a reason.
    It's not an accident.
    And so I have to own the fact
    that I got to start speaking at nine years old
    and listen to who I think is the most authentic man
    who's ever lived speak over 800 times.
    I guess to answer your question honestly,
    I have been doing this since I was, over 30 years now
    since I was nine.
    - Wow.
    I mean, the classic tale, right?
    So if you know the story of Amadeus Mozart,
    everybody uses him as the example of somebody
    who was just born with talent, then you realize,
    actually his father was a piano teacher
    who specialize in teaching children,
    and Mozart started playing when he was two.
    So by the time he's 12, 13
    he's already been playing for 10 plus years
    and he practiced like a fiend because he loved it.
    Then he'd begin to realize that there,
    that even someone like you or someone like Mozart,
    it's like there's a lot of hours of practice
    that go into that.
    So now, talking about your dad,
    the person that you watched 800 times,
    so one, what are some qualities
    that you've taken away from him?
    - Any room he walked into, he never,
    cliche, never knew a stranger,
    but like, my dad's value was,
    if there's someone in this room that classically
    would be ignored because they're simply a helper,
    or they're a worker, or they're an assistant,
    all these horrific categories we place on people
    to devalue them, even subconsciously,
    my dad raged against that.
    The first person he wanted to talk to was the person
    that maybe wasn't even acknowledged.
    Hey, my name is Wendell.
    What's your name?
    What's your story?
    And so when you watch that your whole life,
    that becomes a massive value.
    So my dad taught me from a young age,
    hey, we look for lonely people.
    So if you ask my 13, 11, and eight-year-old
    who are you guys?
    They would tell you we're Smiths.
    We're kind and encouraging, and we look for lonely people.
    And so I adored that about my dad.
    I felt like it made us different.
    I felt like when we walked into a room
    when the Smiths show up, you're gonna see a difference.
    - How did you handle his passing?
    - Really well until three months.
    He was gone.
    We did the funeral.
    5,000 people showed up for his funeral,
    which is pretty radical and I don't know,
    tens of thousands watched online.
    And I cried.
    I wrote letters to my dad at the funeral that I shared,
    and then I started to try to lead the church that he left
    and doing the best I could.
    We had made the transition right before he had passed
    and so I'm in it, I'm it, I'm it, I'm in it.
    We have a board meeting.
    And my uncle is on the board, so is my mom.
    It's not all family.
    And then other board members, and they said, how are you?
    And I'm like, I guess I'm the chairman of the board,
    but I'm like 30 and I'm like, ah.
    And then the waterworks came.
    And I'm like, I am not okay.
    I miss my dad.
    This sucks.
    I don't care about preaching and teaching.
    By the way, I'm out of all of my material.
    Like I feel like I preached all the sermons I can.
    I feel trapped.
    I feel lonely.
    I feel all these things.
    And so, Chealse and I went to our happy place,
    which is Palm Springs for a month
    and we spent time together.
    We cried, we laughed, we told stories,
    we prayed, we read, we walked, played golf
    and I came back with an appreciation for my dad
    that was very healing.
    All of a sudden, I became grateful.
    All of a sudden, instead of people would say,
    hey, sorry about your dad.
    Man, it sucks about your dad.
    Everything changed for me, and I said, wait a minute.
    No, no I got the best dad for 60 years.
    Am I not the luckiest man who's ever lived?
    How many people don't even have dads?
    Don't even have a father figure?
    Don't even have an uncle to call?
    I got the best most secure man in the world
    for 60 years to raise me,
    oh, no, no, no I have nothing to complain about.
    I have everything to be grateful about.
    And that gratitude and that attitude of gratitude,
    which rhymes, has healed and changed me.
    - And so after that, what do you tell people now
    if they're in that moment, they haven't had that
    realization of gratitude, how do you help them through that?
    - I definitely don't go there straight out the gate.
    I think that can be come across as a little crass
    and maybe a little insensitive.
    The first thing I say to be,
    I guess I'm just gonna tell you the truth.
    I'm about to lose probably it could be today,
    it could be tomorrow.
    It's very soon.
    The only real grandfather I ever had,
    I'd never had a grandfather, but this was my grandfather
    and I call him grandpa,
    so I went to see him.
    He's not hungry.
    He's 85,
    and so I'll probably have to say goodbye to him
    within the next couple of days.
    There's no quick fix, and I would oppose anyone
    who says there's a quick fix for the heart.
    There's a quick fix for a broken heart.
    There's not.
    Time can be healer, relationships can be healer,
    and memories can be healer.
    But it's real, man.
    And you gotta know there's somebody watching right now
    who's going through something like that.
    And for me to sit here and give you cliche,
    little curt answers to like no, there's none of that.
    There's just brokenness, and pain, and hurt
    and we need each other.
    And I needed to feel someone to hold me.
    I needed to feel someone hug me.
    If that's okay to say, that's what I needed.
    And I cuddled with Chelsea this morning,
    my wife of 18 years because
    just I think about grandpa.
    So yeah, it's easy to be strong on the stage
    and tell everybody like, yeah, man.
    Like everything is gonna work out, but a lot of it isn't.
    And so we're gonna need each other in those days to,
    like I don't know.
    Like I was gonna be a co-host
    and now I'm never gonna get invited back
    because I'm like breaking down.
    It's like, bro, you can't co-host the show
    if you're emotionally unstable.
    But it's a real thing,
    but I wouldn't have any other way, man.
    The pain is part of being alive.
    We're not living a Disney cartoon, we're living real life,
    and the pain we feel, it makes us more human.
    It makes us more alive.
    And I held my wife tighter this morning.
    I just did, man.
    I just did.
    Because I realized we're not always going to be together
    the way we are right now.
    - Dude, that's incredible.
    So let's talk about your wife.
    You guys seem to have a pretty incredible marriage.
    One filled with honesty.
    You guys seem like you're honest with each other.
    You're certainly honest with the public.
    I've seen you guys talk about, hey, every marriage is hard
    and so how do you guys deal with that?
    I've heard you talked about love languages
    and things like that.
    What are some of you guys, the secrets to a strong marriage?
    - I have to give Chelsea all the credit she deserves.
    I can already tell just by meeting your wife
    you're a great man
    because I think a spouse is a dead giveaway.
    Always a dead giveaway.
    I truly believe that we can make each other better,
    and Chelsea has made me a better human and a better man.
    I think developing fun things to do together.
    She loves to go on walks.
    She wants to go on hikes.
    I hate hikes, so we compromise with walks.
    So we go and walk together, long talks,
    but this may sound really spiritual,
    but one of the most intimate things we do
    is we pray together.
    We pray together.
    And whatever you believe about prayer, we pray together.
    And to hear her express to God what's going on in her heart
    is so intimate, and by the way, side note, sexy.
    Many prayer times lead to other times,
    which is my favorite.
    Are we gonna pray together?
    Sure.
    Like weird things pastors admit.
    That's so gross, but it's so true.
    You're like, what pastors like?
    Like yeah, prayer times lead to sex.
    Pretty awesome.
    I'm like that guy.
    But yeah, we do that.
    And you know what, we've set rules of engagement.
    Not allowed to use the word divorce.
    You can't use it.
    It's a cheap shot, you can't do it.
    You can't say you always, you never.
    Can't use the word hate.
    You can't cuss with each other.
    We broke that rule a few times, but rules of engagement.
    Things you can't do.
    I can't take shots at her for things she can't change
    and can't control, and that has helped us fight good.
    You gotta fight good.
    You gotta fight good, and making up is awesome,
    but you gotta learn how to fight right.
    'Cause I think you actually need a good fight now again
    and you need to argue,
    and you need that conflict to bring intimacy.
    So I don't move so far from like perfect and awesome,
    we're gonna keep growing, but Chelsea is really good
    at making sure we fight right.
    And so our fights actually seem productive.
    We definitely got into it.
    We're going through TSA yesterday on our way to LA
    because she's talking about hoodies we made for this event
    for young people.
    We made 12.
    We wanted to be exclusive.
    And she's like, that is weird.
    Why did we do that?
    I'm like, babe, just stop.
    Let other people see.
    What did you say, you tell me to stop?
    I'm like, stay in your lane.
    I said stay in your lane.
    Who says that?
    Like she's like, did you tell me stay in my lane?
    And then my son is like, roasted!
    I'm like, bro, you are not in this conversation.
    Go through the metal detector right now.
    Keep them in there.
    Search him.
    But you know what's crazy, is by the time,
    and I know this sounds so like we really mastered this,
    but by the time we got to the end of the TSA line
    and we're picking up our bags and putting our shoes back on,
    she's like, I'm so sorry.
    Will you forgive me?
    I'm like, yeah, I'm so sorry.
    I'm just tired.
    I don't know why I said that.
    I love you.
    Let's not do it.
    She's like, yeah, totally.
    10 years ago, we would have been in all-day thing probably.
    Like, I'm so annoyed at you.
    But then like, the older you get, you're also like
    I only have so much energy so I'm not gonna,
    like I wanna use this energy not to fight all day.
    I wanna use it to do other really fun
    and potentially sexy things.
    - It's incredible.
    What do you teach your kids about communication?
    - You can't say bored in our family.
    If you say you're bored, it only means you're boring.
    There's no such, we don't believe in.
    So boring is against our belief system.
    If you're tired, get rest.
    Don't walk around and say you're tired.
    I think tired becomes something
    we talk ourselves into a lot.
    I'm tired.
    I'm so tired.
    I'm so tired.
    If you keep saying that, you're gonna live a tired life.
    You don't wanna be married to that person.
    You don't wanna be friends with that person.
    You don't wanna be led by that person
    who's constantly tired.
    So actually, the people we really admire
    are not tired people.
    They're actually energized people who love
    and have energy to give and value to give.
    So I'm trying to teach our kids, hey, we don't,
    I think words are very formative.
    I think they're very powerful,
    and they create the culture in which you live in.
    We don't say hate.
    We are very open and honest with each other.
    So at the dinner table two nights ago, we're very honest.
    Highs and lows.
    We talk about highs and lows.
    We say what needs to be said,
    not what we think should be said.
    So those are some kind of the driving values that we have.
    We diabolically oppose cutting people off in sentences.
    So that is a very big thing.
    If someone is talking at the dinner table,
    Grace interrupted Zion, we stop and go,
    you just interrupted your brother.
    That devalues him, that's not okay.
    Zion, you speak, Grace, you wait your turn.
    Grace now is being a little cheeky.
    She's eight, and she's the cutest little thing
    in the whole wide world I adore
    so now she's raising her hand to make a point.
    And I'm like, okay, raising your hand
    while he's still talking is still interrupting
    and it's a distraction.
    So at the top of my head, those are some
    of the guiding values we have
    in terms of communication in words in how we engage.
    - I actually heard you say a quote.
    I'll at least paraphrase,
    but I think I'm gonna get pretty close where you said,
    I don't want to live what I preach,
    I wanna preach what I live.
    What do you mean by that?
    - That's my dad.
    A quote from my dad.
    If you're not living it, don't shout it from the rooftop
    'cause here's, I'll pick on preachers.
    Preachers are classic for this.
    There is a discrepancy that begins to form
    and it happens very subtly, and then it happens surely,
    and then ultimately, publicly and clearly.
    You start to say stuff you don't do.
    You start to tell people to do stuff you don't do.
    And suddenly, you slip into self-deception.
    And now, what preachers tell themselves,
    if I preach it, it's as good as doing it
    because if I'm helping somebody else do it,
    I don't need to do it because I help them do it,
    and who's losing?
    You.
    The preacher.
    And I don't wanna become that guy.
    I also think what resonates with people
    is when they can tell, there's what I like to call
    wind behind your words,
    and the only thing that gives you wind is the life you live.
    So if you're living this thing and you get up and go, hey,
    let's actually learn about each other,
    care about one another, listen to one another.
    If I don't care, if I'm not a learner,
    if I'm not listening, it's rhetoric.
    It's cliche.
    It's elevator music.
    It's white noise.
    We've heard that.
    It's pretense.
    But just yeah, just sharing with people
    what's really changed your life
    and what you're really living out,
    and your words will have a lot more power.
    - And so I believe that the things that people move towards
    are gonna be their biggest goals.
    What are some goals you're trying to move towards?
    I just can't imagine that your church has gotten
    as big and thriving as it is
    without it having something really big driving that.
    - Yeah.
    I do love targets.
    I've had a weird relationship with goals
    so I just change the word.
    So now my word is target
    and at somehow, I've got fresh passion to set more targets.
    I think the world is changing very, very fast.
    I think globalization is real, it's upon us.
    I'm no longer from here, I'm from the world.
    I'm a part of the world.
    I see the world.
    I represent the world.
    I am the world.
    Globalization is very fascinating in relationship to faith,
    community, and movements
    and I truly believe that globalization
    has set us up for global communities.
    And my passion right now is I can see in the future
    that churches and communities
    will have millions of people engaging all over the world
    in different languages, maybe even utilizing technology.
    So I'm really passionate.
    Obviously, social media has proven that people wanna engage.
    I think social media and technology has to lead to tactile.
    It has to get to tactile.
    And I think some of the innovators
    are even speaking to that right now.
    We need this.
    We need each other.
    I need to like hug you and feel that embrace
    so I'm passionate because it really aligns
    with my passion in life which is to help people feel loved.
    Everyone does not have to believe what I believe,
    but I want everyone to feel like they matter,
    they have purpose, they have someone who loves them,
    will listen to them, care for them
    and I actually think we can do that on a grand scale.
    And I imagine communities that can also do that.
    Before you know it,
    we could have a lot less lonely people in the world
    and that would be pretty awesome.
    - That's pretty incredible, man.
    How do you get to know Bieber?
    - I would say he was eight, nine years old
    and I spoke at a convention in Toronto where he lived.
    And Pattie, his mom, brought him.
    He wasn't supposed to, it's for young people
    and they heard me speak there.
    Pattie goes out to the tape desk, the tape table,
    and buys tapes, that's how old I am,
    and would play the tapes every night to put Justin to bed.
    So the first time we met, he goes,
    do you remember when we first met?
    And I go, no, I don't.
    I want to, but it was like just a bunch of young people.
    And he's like, well, guess what,
    you put me to sleep every night.
    And I'm like, dude, that's not really
    what our preacher wants to hear.
    Like for real, it's not,
    but I just wanna say Justin has changed my life.
    I have learned more from that young man
    than he will ever learn from me in 10 lifetimes.
    His exposure to the world, his experiences,
    his spiritual journey has, I mean this,
    dramatically changed me.
    I do not believe I would see the world
    or even talk the way I talk without him.
    He is my brother.
    I honor him.
    I respect him.
    I look up to him.
    I love him.
    And he is a genius, and not just musically,
    so I'm honored to be his brother.
    - That's really interesting.
    And seeing how many people in that sphere of celebrity
    have been drawn to you, it's really, really interesting.
    What is it that you think, 'cause they're obviously,
    they're different slings and arrows coming their way,
    what is it that draws them to you
    and your message specifically?
    - I think everybody deserves a fair shake to grow in life
    and to be loved.
    And I think, and a lot of people will disagree with this,
    I actually think people in the limelight
    don't get a fair shake most of the time.
    They are not treated in a way
    that would give them a fair shake.
    I'll give you an example.
    People will complain sometimes like, wow, all the celebs
    get to sit on the front row.
    Wow, all the celebs get a side VIP entrance.
    Absolutely.
    And do you know why?
    Because they deserve a fair shake to be in a room
    to feel safe and to feel like actually, oh, that's right,
    everybody else in the room already feels.
    No one walked into the theater last night going,
    oh, man, I hope no one wants a photo.
    I hope no one wants to picture.
    I hope no one wants, right?
    Most people got to walk in just like a human.
    So my passion is to provide environments where my brothers,
    my friends, my sisters and brothers that I love a lot
    get a fair shake to actually experience that
    and get to be one of the guys.
    One of the guys.
    And so maybe that's a reason I don't know,
    but it's we get blasted for it,
    but I will not stop doing that because we're doing it
    for a purpose that people don't initially see.
    It's to actually ensure that everyone in the room,
    no matter who you are, gets a fair shake.
    If you need signing because you're hard of hearing
    and that's a challenge,
    we're gonna get a signer to help you.
    If you're in a wheelchair, we're gonna get you.
    If you speak a different language,
    we're gonna try to find a translator.
    We want everyone in the room to get a fair shake
    at hearing about the fact they're loved
    and that they belong here.
    - Oh, that's cool.
    I love that answer.
    So before I ask my last question,
    where can these guys find you online?
    - Well, Churchome 1H is kind of our new name.
    We wanna be a home for humanity where there's a family.
    Where there's a home is a family is kind of our thing,
    so Churchome1h.org.
    And I think you can kinda find information there.
    And my email is Judah@churchome.org.
    That's my real email, so you can email me.
    Or if I think it's a nice thing,
    you can email me, Judah@churchome.org, and that's us.
    - Awesome.
    And my last question, what's the impact
    that you wanna have in the world?
    - I actually think we're suffering from a lack of love
    on a grand scale, on an epic scale.
    It might be the greatest epidemic in the world.
    Maybe it always has been.
    I think things, horrific things like racism
    are symptomatic of the fact.
    We don't feel loved.
    We don't feel like we matter.
    We don't feel like we're valued
    and so we devalue each other, and we fight, and we war.
    My passion is to love people and to express that love
    that I believe ultimately comes from God.
    So that's my passion in life.
    - Awesome, man.
    Thank you so much for getting on the show.
    Incredible.
    (audience applauding)
    Guys, you know me.
    I'm not a religious dude.
    I did not bring him on here with agenda.
    I brought him on because my Jewish friend
    took me out to see a Christian pastor
    and said you've gotta see this guy.
    I don't know what it is about him,
    but every time I see him, I just feel better.
    I went and saw it for myself,
    and the eclectic people that he puts together
    is breathtaking in its simplicity, in its beauty,
    and the way that he makes everybody feel included.
    The insights, the deep wisdom, the ability to read people,
    and the fact that he has practiced an art so much
    that he can become a true orchestrator of emotions
    to create such an unbelievable experience
    to feel more human, to feel more alive,
    it was absolutely breathtaking.
    It really was one of the most incredible live events
    I've ever witnessed in my life.
    It was really, really special
    and that's why I wanted to bring him on here
    so that you guys can get a taste of it.
    I'm telling you, it does not matter what you believe.
    Somebody that wants to make your life better
    that wants to make you feel loved,
    like that is all good in my book
    and that is something that he does in spades.
    So I hope that you guys will dive into his world
    regardless of what you believe.
    Take what makes sense, discard the rest,
    and I think you're gonna find
    that you take a whole hell of a lot.
    All right, if you guys haven't already,
    be sure to subscribe
    and until next time, my friends.
    Be legendary.
    Take care.
    (audience applauding)
    Judah, thank you, my man.
    Hey everybody, thank you so much for watching
    and being a part of this community.
    If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe.
    You're gonna get weekly videos on building a growth mindset,
    cultivating grit and unlocking your full potential.
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