Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation: Review

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation: Review
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    Welcome back to my Dark Corner of This Sick World.
    'Something bad's gonna happen, I can feel it'
    Whenever we review sequels, there's a temptation to ask; why didn't this work like the original did?
    'I assume that that is a rhetorical question'
    And, the answer is equally often either; it just copied the original, or, it's nothing like the original.
    'You probably didn't know that did you?'
    Texas Chainsaw Massacre-The Next Generation manages to do both.
    'Wait, I just thought of something so cool.'
    The plot follows a group of teens who are dislikeable...
    'I told you, I'm a bitch.'
    yet self-aware.
    'I told you, we're all going to die'
    and who have a car accident on their way home from prom and get lost in the dark.
    'Great now we can't see jack'
    Probably a minor issue but; it's really not that dark.
    'Oh right, like you'd know'
    One of the teens stays with the car and...
    'First I'm gonna kill you'
    ...meets a young Matthew MacConaughey.
    Why are you running down the road? Go into the trees.
    Idiot.
    And his friends have no more luck as they run into a familiar face.
    Maybe I'm mis-remembering but I don't recall Leatherface screaming all through the film.
    'Arrrgh!'
    Director Kim Henkel, who scripted the first film,
    recognising that the original had a shock value this could not recapture, introduced black comedy.
    'Are you having fun yet?'
    Which perhaps explains why the Leatherfaces no longer live in the middle of nowhere.
    'Think you got somebody in your trunk'
    'That's just somebody I've got tied up back there'
    but on the outskirts of a town where no one follows up on anything.
    'What you got in the car honey?'
    'Oh believe me, you don't want to know'
    It's also presumably why MacConaughey has a remote control leg.
    The comedy will either work for you or not,
    'It's up to you'
    As will MacConaughey's turned up to 11 performance...
    'Welcome to my world'
    Turned up to 12 ...
    14....
    Infinity plus one...
    'BURRRRN!'
    And Leatherface has clearly watched Silence of the Lambs recently
    'Would you do me?'
    'I'd do me.'
    'I'm not going to put up with any more of your crap.'
    'But Henkell also wanted to bring the franchise back to its roots so we have teenagers wandering into danger.
    'Hold it right there.'
    a girl on a meat hook,
    Dinner with the family.
    And escape by car.
    All the beats are there.
    True Rene Zellweger, also at the start of her career,
    seems surprisingly in control for someone who's seen her friends tortured and killed.
    'You, sit the fuck down.'
    Which does take some of the bite out of it .
    'Stop, you're scaring me'
    But this is still Texas Chainsaw, drawing terror from the randomness of its brutality .
    'They've been doing this kind of thing for 1000, 2000 years, I forget which, nobody knows their names.'
    Say what now?
    'You know how you hear all these stories about these people who run everything?'
    Yes, it turns out that cannibal hillbilly attacks only seem random,
    they're actually organised by a shadowy organisation like the Illuminati.
    'This is appalling'
    Yes. And, although I don't think there's any answer that would make me think otherwise; why?
    'I want these people to know the meaning or horror.'
    How ironic. Not least because he quickly demonstrates the 'meaning of horror' to be elaborate belly button rings...
    and licking Rene Zellweger.
    This movie is mess but, let's be honest, on paper, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre shouldn't work, so why did it?
    'Good question'
    because it is utterly uncompromising and offers no explanation.
    'Will you please tell me what all this is for'
    The Next generation - and if you don't have Patrick Stewart you don't get to use that title -
    compromises by spoofing its own set up...
    'What's wrong with that?'
    Then offers an unnecessary explanation so piss poor, so head-scratching,
    so undermining of the original's integrity, that even Ridley Scott would have rejected it.
    'It's been an abomination'
    And wheeling out original survivor Marilyn Burns, literally.
    Only serves as a reminder of how much you'd rather be watching the original.
    'You know this isn't the first time something like this has happened'
    On the other hand, if you want to a see a six foot, dead faced, Ethel Merman dancing with a chainsaw, then this is the place.
    Thanks for watching.
    And thanks to patreon shadow Dan D Dotty for recommending this film,
    Franchises often fail through vain attempts to recapture the success of the original
    But can you think of any entries that actually succeed?
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