Trump's Mar-A-Lago Hires 70 Foreign Workers

Trump's Mar-A-Lago Hires 70 Foreign Workers
    OF COURSE, IT'S TOUGH FOR TRUMP TO BE OVERSEAS, BECAUSE THAT'S
    WHERE ALL THE FOREIGNERS ARE.
    ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
    TRUMP IS NOT A HUGE FAN.
    DOESN'T REALLY LIKE THEM THAT MUCH.
    TRUMP HAS BEEN CLEAR THAT HE WANTS US TO "BUY AMERICAN, HIRE
    AMERICAN," SO IT'S SLIGHTLY SURPRISING THAT HE RECENTLY
    HIRED 70 FOREIGN WORKERS FOR HIS MAR-A-LAGO GOLF CLUB.
    SO ALL YOU DREAMERS ARE WELCOME TO STAY, AS LONG AS YOUR DREAM
    IS MOWING THE BACK NINE.
    ( LAUGHTER ) MAR-A-LAGO HAS BEEN GRANTED
    WHAT'S KNOWN AS H2B VISAS, AND TO GET THEM, MAR-A-LAGO "HAD TO
    SHOW THAT NO ONE ELSE WANTED THE JOBS, INCLUDING CALLING OLD
    EMPLOYEES AND PUTTING ADS IN THE NEWSPAPER."
    THEY ALSO POSTED THE JOB ONLINE WITH "YOU'RE GOING TO BE WORKING
    FOR A monster.com."
    ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) GOOD ORGANIZATION.
    GOOD ORGANIZATION.
    SO, OBVIOUSLY THE WAY THE LAW IS DRAWN UP, THEY HAD A
    STRONG INCENTIVE TO MAKE THE JOBS LOOK BACK TO AMERICAN
    WORKERS, AND THEY SUCCEEDED BECAUSE LOOK AT THIS ACTUAL
    LISTING IN THE "PALM BEACH POST" THAT READ:
    "THREE MONTHS RECENT AND VERIFIABLE EXPERIENCE IN FINE
    DINING COUNTRY CLUB, NO TIPS," AND "INSTRUCTED APPLICANTS TO
    APPLY BY FAX."
    YOU MIGHT AS WELL POST, "DEAD- END JOB, SLAVE WAGES, MUST APPLY
    VIA TELEGRAM, HIGH PROBABILITY OF MEETING DONALD TRUMP."
    ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) , OF COURSE,-- RUBBING
    ELBOWS!
    RUBBING ELBOWS!
    ( APPLAUSE ) OF COURSE, LAWN CARE IS A
    ROUGH-AND-TUMBLE WORLD OUT THERE, LAWN MAINTENANCE.
    JUST ASK KENTUCKY SENATOR AND MAN CAUGHT MID-MACARENA,
    RAND PAUL.
    NOW, SENATOR PAUL WAS ATTACKED LAST WEEK,
    SUSTAINING FIVE BROKEN RIBS AND A BRUISED LUNG.
    IT WAS A VICIOUS ATTACK, AND I WISH SENATOR PAUL A SPEEDY
    RECOVERY SO HE CAN GET BACK TO THE SENATE TO TAKE AWAY YOUR
    HEALTHCARE.
    ( LAUGHTER ) PAUL'S ASSAILANT WAS HIS
    NEXTDOOR NEIGHBOR, RETIRED ANESTHESIOLOGIST AND
    BOTOX AMERICAN, RENE BOUCHER.
    BOUCHER IS A REGISTERED DEMOCRAT, AND A LOT OF PEOPLE
    WERE SPECULATING THAT BOUCHER ASSAULTED THE LIBERTARIAN
    SENATOR FOR POLITICAL REASONS.
    IT WAS LIKE A CHAPTER OUT OF AYN RAND'S BOOK, "ATLAS MUGGED."
    ( LAUGHTER ) BUT WE'RE LEARNING MORE DETAILS
    ABOUT THE INCIDENT.
    APPARENTLY, "THE VIOLENT ALTERCATION BEGAN OVER A
    LANDSCAPING DISPUTE."
    OF COURSE, LANDSCAPE DISPUTES ARE THE LEADING CAUSE OF
    VIOLENCE BETWEEN MIDDLE-AGED WHITE MEN.
    ( LAUGHTER ) RIGHT AFTER LOWES PARKING
    LOT SCUFFLE AND WRESTLING OVER THE LAST TOMBSTONE FOUR-MEAT
    PIZZA AT CVS.
    NOW, I CONDEMN ALL FORMS OF VIOLENCE, BUT IT IS REFRESHING
    TO SEE THAT EVEN IN THIS POLITICALLY-CHARGED ENVIRONMENT,
    WE CAN GO BACK TO FEUDING OVER STUPID STUFF, BECAUSE I'M OLD
    ENOUGH TO REMEMBER A TIME WHEN YOU DIDN'T HATE PEOPLE FOR THEIR
    POLITICAL BELIEFS.
    NO, YOU HATED THEM BECAUSE THEIR SCREEN DOOR STILL MAKES THAT
    DAMN SOUND.
    OIL IT!
    ( LAUGHTER ) WE DIDN'T JUDGE A MAN BY THE
    BUMPER STICKERS ON HIS CAR.
    WE JUDGED HIM FOR LEAVING THAT CAR ON CINDERBLOCKS IN FRONT OF
    THE HOUSE.
    IT'S AN EYESORE, JIM!
    SO GO TO YOUR NEIGHBOR, LOOK HIM IN THE EYE AND SAY, "I WILL
    NEVER ATTACK YOU FOR YOUR PRINCIPLES, BUT IF YOU DON'T
    TAKE DOWN THOSE DAMN WIND CHIMES, I WILL TORCH YOUR
    GARAGE."
    WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
    Jeff Fager And Lesley Stahl On 50 Years Of '60 Minutes' Jason Segel Escaped LA For An Orange Grove Ed Gillespie Loses In Virginia... Thanks To Don. Jr. Lawrence O'Donnell Sees Traces Of George Wallace In Donald Trump Alt-Right White Supremacists Have Claimed Papa John's Josh Gad Can't Turn Off 'Olaf' Voice Hire The Woman Who Was Fired For Flipping Off Trump In Asia, Trump Might Meet 'Pen Pineapple Apple Pen' Guy The Paradise Papers Includes Celebrities, Too Kim Jong-Un Is Ending Things With Trump

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