If Everything Is About Trump, Then So Is Losing Elections

If Everything Is About Trump, Then So Is Losing Elections
    LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
    I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
    ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WELL, FOLKS, ONE YEAR AGO TODAY,
    DONALD TRUMP WAS ELECTED PRESIDENT.
    GIVE HIM A CHANCE.
    ( LAUGHTER ) YESTERDAY, DEMOCRATS
    COMMEMORATED THIS ANNIVERSARY, BY KICKING TRUMP'S ASS, USING
    HIS ARCH ENEMY: THE POPULAR VOTE.
    ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OKAY, LET'S GO AROUND THE HORN.
    LET'S SEE THE RESULTS.
    LET'S START IN HELENA, MONTANA, WHERE WILMOT COLLINS BECAME THE
    FIRST BLACK MAYOR IN MONTANA'S HISTORY.
    ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: I LIKE THAT!
    I LIKE THAT!
    >> Stephen: ALSO-- AND THIS IS FUN-- THE FIRST BLACK PERSON IN
    MONTANA'S HISTORY.
    ( LAUGHTER ) WYOMING IS THE 21st ONE OUT
    THERE.
    AND IN NEW JERSEY, DEMOCRAT PHIL MURPHY WAS ELECTED GOVERNOR
    ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) A SAD DAY FOR CHRIS CHRISTIE.
    SO, A DAY FOR CHRIS CHRISTIE.
    AND IN HIS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH, GOVERNOR-ELECT MURPHY EXPRESSED
    THE WAY A LOT OF DEMOCRATS WERE FEELING LAST NIGHT.
    ( LAUGHTER ) LET ME TRY THAT.
    HOLD ON.
    ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
    ( CHEERS ) >> Jon: MAKE YOU WANNA JUMP!
    >> Stephen: THEY'VE FORGOTTEN HOW TO BE HAPPY.
    SO, DEMOCRATS HAVE THEIR SWAGGER BACK.
    THEY'VE ALREADY UPDATED THEIR LOGO TO THIS.
    ( LAUGHTER ) THEY ALSO MADE MAJOR GAINS IN
    VIRGINIA'S HOUSE OF DELEGATES, WINNING AT LEAST 15 SEATS IN AN
    UPSET--( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
    YEAH.
    15 SEATS IN AN UPSET THAT STUNNED MEMBERS OF BOTH PARTIES.
    BOTH PARTIES?
    SO, EVEN THE DEMOCRATS DIDN'T DEMOCRATS WOULD WIN.
    "WHAT?
    NO, PEOPLE HATE US.
    I DEMAND A RECOUNT!"( LAUGHTER )
    VIRGINIA ALSO ELECTED ITS FIRST TRANSGENDER STATE LAWMAKER
    ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) DANICA ROEM.
    AND IN A MOMENT OF, I THINK, SWEET IRONY,
    THE MAN SHE BEAT WAS BOB MARSHALL, THE REPUBLICAN WHO
    INTRODUCED VIRGINIA'S "BATHROOM BILL."
    ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SO, SOON THERE'LL BE ONE
    BATHROOM BOB MARSHALL CAN'T USE: THE ONE IN HIS OFFICE.
    ( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, THE BIG RACE IN
    VIRGINIA LAST NIGHT WAS FOR GOVERNOR, WHERE DEMOCRAT RALPH
    NORTHAM STOMPED REPUBLICAN ED GILLESPIE 54 TO 45
    AND IT PROVES THE STATE'S OLD SAYING "VIRGINIA IS FOR LOVERS
    OF EVERYONE BUT ED GILLESPIE."
    ONE PERSON WHO SAID HE LOVED GILLESPIE WAS DONALD TRUMP, BUT
    THE SECOND GILLESPIE LOST, TRUMP THREW HIM UNDER THE TWEET BUS:
    "ED GILLESPIE WORKED HARD BUT DID NOT EMBRACE ME OR WHAT I
    STAND FOR."
    CLEARLY, IF HE WORKED HARD, ALSO--
    >> Jon: OOOH!
    I GET IT, I GET IT.
    >> Stephen: HE DOESN'T.
    ALSO, YOU'RE LYING.
    BECAUSE GILLESPIE COPIED YOUR WHOLE PLAYBOOK, "PORTRAYING
    NORTHAM AS ENABLING LATINO GANGS, HITTING N.F.L. PLAYERS
    FOR KNEELING DURING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM, AND PROMISING TO KEEP
    CONFEDERATE MONUMENTS UP."
    HE EVEN COPIED THE PART WHERE YOU LOST THE STATE OF VIRGINIA
    ( LAUGHTER ) WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY,
    "IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF YOU LOST THE STATE OF
    VIRGINIA."
    MR. TRUMP, ALL OF THESE ELECTIONS WERE ABOUT YOU.
    SIGNIFICANT NUMBERS OF VOTERS IN EACH STATE SAID TRUMP WAS A
    REASON FOR THEIR VOTE, WITH FAR MORE VOTING TO OPPOSE YOU
    THAN SUPPORT YOU.
    THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH MAKING EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU, SIR.
    IT MEANS EVERYTHING, EVEN LOSING, IS ABOUT YOU.
    THAT'S THE DOWNSIDE OF NARCISSISM, ALONG--
    ( APPLAUSE ) YEAH.
    YEAH.
    ALONG WITH NO ONE REALLY LOVING YOU.
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