Christ Bearer: The Rapper Who Cut His Penis Off

Christ Bearer: The Rapper Who Cut His Penis Off
    PHONE RINGS
    INDISTINCT SPEECH
    What's the address of the emergency?
    Before the incident he came to me.
    It's like, I don't know, he needed a hand.
    So I was trying to reach out to him
    and it's like he just had to leave that day.
    As soon as I heard, someone gave me a call, I was like,
    "OK, there's something wrong. He didn't just do that for nothing."
    There is something involved. This was drugs. There's something
    psychological. I knew that.
    When you're going through a depressed time and then you're
    mixing that with drugs, you could take it to another level with that.
    I easily could have died that night and that would have been that.
    'As I'm sure you've heard yesterday rapper Andre Johnson
    'AKA Christ Bearer
    'cut off his own penis and then jumped off his second floor balcony.
    'Obviously if it's not drugs Johnson's mental health has to
    'be evaluated but I really don't know
    'how you go on without your penis.
    INDISTINCT
    Thanks, man. Yeah.
    INDISTINCT
    You might have heard of me. Those who haven't,
    nice to meet you. Like I said, I'm God. AKA Christ Bearer.
    So I'm going to tell you exactly how it all began.
    You know, it's going to be a journey. Let's go.
    I was born on the east side of Long Beach, raised on the north side.
    The most poverty in Long Beach is on the east side so I was from
    'the roughest, downtrodden, evilest side of Long Beach.
    'I thought that my mother's sister's father was my father until I
    'turned nine, until he didn't want to accept me,'
    and the mother felt the way he was treating me she had to tell me the
    truth. It kind of broke my heart but in a way it was kind of like,
    "OK, cool," because a mother knowing that I didn't really have my father
    in my life, she was the number one supporter no matter what I did.
    When I came to the north side it was more of
    a creative environment for me.
    It was still gangster, still evil, still grimy, still murderous
    but found I a conglomerate of brothers
    called the North Side Family.
    'That's where my love of hip-hop and things like that spawned.'
    'There was a lot going on at the time. A lot of street drugs.
    'A lot of gangs and violence.
    To the slop house.
    'Growing up around here a lot of us grew up without fathers
    'so we looked up to guys a couple of years older than us.
    And they weren't fathers either.
    'Me and my homeboys raised each other.
    'We are all each other's brothers.
    We are all each other's son.
    We've got that tight love for each other that we are going to be
    there for each other.
    There definitely are a couple of brothers that helped guide
    me along the way on street level,
    and they would project a fatherly type of warm atmosphere.
    I definitely developed Christ Bearer in the midst of that
    North Side Family.
    RAP MUSIC PLAYS
    You know what? It was the drug era.
    It affected a lot of people in a lot of bad ways,
    especially when you're young. Your mind is not developed.
    'People they think they can handle it'
    but they can't handle it.
    It's a drug that's been around for decades. PCP.
    But if you think it's old news think again.
    'PCP in Long Beach was the norm. It was glamorised to me.
    'I didn't know the good or bad aspect of it.'
    But if you smoke PCP it was kind of like, "This is dangerous, man."
    CLAMOUR
    Yeah, yeah, yeah!
    I really don't delve into nothing that's going to control me.
    You start messing with stuff that control you, you start getting
    outside of yourself and I think that's what happened with 'Dre.
    # Let's take this very American tradition of entertainment
    # into the 21st-century. #
    'I've known Meko since childhood.
    'Me and him were both avid hip-hop fans.'
    We started freestyling all day long
    and then go to the open mic at night.
    'And then we ended up making a group and started really going after it,
    'you know what I'm saying?'
    'At the time me and Meko were pushing to get on with Wu-Tang.
    'The thing with Wu-Tang is, especially RZA,
    'I see them as gods.
    'Most families have a de facto leader
    'and the undisputed epicentre of the Wu-Tang Clan is RZA.'
    'We met RZA and we formed a bond.'
    He was like, "What's the name of your group?" We told him,
    "North Star. He was like, "Oh, shit, it's a powerful name.
    They kind of have my number, stayed on top of me.
    And really what I felt was like, even though I'm from the east coast
    why not support young brothers coming up from the west coast? Yeah.
    There's hoods everywhere.
    So this was my chance to help someone else from the hood.
    Yeah. ..and they put a record out, you know what I mean?
    # But cats keep rushin' I'll back flip bust you
    # Crack your rib cage apart snatch your heart, that's nothin'
    # Guillotine chop to the Philippine hot... #
    It felt like just pushing a wall, all your fuckin' adult life,
    and then this shit finally moving,
    and it be like, "Oh, shit," you know?
    We finally got the magic words, you know?
    Open Sesame, and it's like, I got spoilt, you know what I mean?
    Jumping out of limousines, and shit.
    All in all, it was the best of times and it was the worst of times.
    When I got Wu-Tang,
    it was like we didn't even have to pay for anything.
    So, drugs was definitely more accessible, you know what I mean?
    You did a little bit of PCP, you did a little bit of weed,
    you drank a little bit.
    You started getting, like, $1,000 every other day,
    you're going to do a whole lot of PCP,
    you're going to do a whole lot of weed,
    you're going to drink a whole lot.
    It got out of control.
    Mom was sick. She was having epileptic seizures at the time.
    She had one, one night, and I was on the phone with my producer,
    and I could hear the headboard knocking, "Knock, knock,"
    and I'm like, "What the fuck?"
    I just called 911, and 911 was coming,
    I'm trying to do what I'm doing,
    and then when they get there, and she stops breathing, you know?
    I was like, fucking...
    You know, I didn't know what the fuck to do, you know what I mean?
    And she passed.
    It was kind of like, shit, you know what?
    I was kind of like headed down a bottomless vortex.
    It was a bottomless vortex, really. I just was not into rap at all.
    The hell with that shit.
    I bumped around doing drugs,
    and every day I was fucking gone, you know?
    Downward spiral.
    I was like, "Me, depression? Never."
    Cos I never cried when my mother passed away, you know what I mean?
    In my neighbourhood, depression is like, you know,
    crying at a Bambi movie and shit.
    You don't tell nobody you're depressed and shit.
    When we have mental health issues, we turn to drugs.
    You know, "Smoke this. Have a drink.
    "Man, you need to get high."
    It's like...he was in a fight with himself,
    and I know I go through that type of stuff,
    like somebody will pass in my life, or...
    that mean a lot to me, and I'll...
    I'll close down, you know, and I'll go to a different place,
    and I think that's what he did, you know what I'm saying?
    It just had a darker ending.
    I ended up, you know, deeming that, "You know what?
    "I need to have a child to fill this void."
    I had my first child, and then, once I had her,
    I still carried on with, like, a lot of the drugs and PCP,
    and flipping out at random,
    raving around the house about, "I'm God,"
    and things of that nature.
    How did you get your name? It was God, of course.
    So, it was kind of like, oh, divorce was inevitable,
    and then, divorce can be compared to death.
    It was like another death, and to lose my daughter, too,
    because there was a restraining order that came with the divorce -
    it was not an amicable split.
    Then I met Amatullah, and had my second daughter,
    and it was a fascinating time, but I was still heavily into drugs,
    and I started staying up, like, four or five nights at the time.
    We got into an altercation.
    There was a restraining order on me, from her.
    There was already a restraining order prior,
    for my first wife, and then, now, this new one looming.
    I was like, "Oh, fuck."
    I got back into the drugs, heavy, and it was fucking up my situation,
    and the kids I was producing were really suffering the most.
    Around here...
    Yeah, right there, actually.
    I'll take a right.
    Left right there. Just down there, yeah? Yeah. Right there.
    This is the spot. No question, and I, um...
    I, er...
    Yeah, this is the first time I've seen this
    since the actual night of the occurrence.
    It was really scary, because I was just seeing
    a cycle being repeated of my father and not being in my life,
    and that's something I swore I would never take part in.
    It was a very crazy night for me.
    Frustration of not being able to see none of the kids I fathered
    was just unbearable, because I was in the darkest spot, I think,
    humanly possible, even.
    We had all indulged in doing the drugs that we did.
    The party was like here, that high,
    and everything was, you know, it easy to deal with,
    although, in the back my mind,
    all these issues were eating me.
    I was thinking my interactions with women have been just callous,
    no moral code.
    I said, "I will...
    "..fix this problem...
    "that is causing me so much...
    "..misery," you know what I mean?
    That's when I think the insanity kicked in.
    I say, "My dick is out of control.
    "I need a vasectomy."
    I just jumped up, out of nowhere, and I went to the kitchen.
    I just went into a blackout mode, I guess,
    because I can't tell you what type of knife I grabbed.
    I know it was sufficient.
    And I grabbed the knife, and, bam, I pulled down my pants,
    and then all of, maybe...
    You know, that quick, but it was, like, "Tssshh,"
    like the water hose.
    I said, "I'm pretty much going to bleed to death.
    "This is pretty much it for me." And I jumped over the balcony.
    'I thought he was stabbing himself, but this motherfucker was...'
    I heard voices, at first.
    'You got to come get him!'
    You know, like, that's when I open my eyes.
    'Sir, are you talking to him?'
    Wait a fucking minute - I'm alive?
    My heart is still beating like a fucking hammer?!
    You couldn't even imagine this hell right here.
    'Do you know this guy?'
    'Yeah, we know him, but we can't stop nothing that he's doing.'
    'OK, I'm sending paramedics to help you now.
    'Stay on the line, and I'll tell you exactly what to do next, OK?'
    They close the door on me, because they were scared.
    "This guy's lost it."
    'I'm not letting his ass in here.'
    Well, it was a fun trip that started turning into a nightmare.
    'Worst shit I've ever seen in my life.'
    I just felt the aura of what I had just done.
    I felt the magnitude of it had sunk in.
    Then the police came, and the paramedics came,
    and then I kind of was sobering up, and it was kind of like, "Hell...
    "I fucked up, didn't I?"
    "Yeah, you fucked up."
    RADIO JINGLE 'I was born a donkey.'
    'It's the donkey of the day.'
    'Christ Bearer, according to the New York Daily News,
    'cut off his penis...' 'Mm-mm-mm.'
    '..and then jumped from a two-storey building.
    'I don't know what your life was like before,
    'but I guarantee it was better than it is now -
    'and I'm glad they can't reattach your penis,
    'because you don't deserve it.'
    # You cut off your penis
    # Everyone thinks you're a jerk
    # But the big question now
    # Does it work? #
    It was nothing I was going to televise.
    Trust me, that's nothing I was going to be like, "Guess what, guys?
    "I chopped my dick off. It's only two inches."
    "Guess what, baby.
    "I chopped my dick off. That shit's only two inches now."
    No. That wasn't my intention, you know what I mean?!
    Cutting your own penis off ain't nothing but the devil.
    Wu-Tang should be embarrassed, and he has to change his name
    from Christ Bearer immediately, because he don't know Jesus.
    Have you talked to Christ Bearer since the incident?
    Er, no, man. No?
    Will he still be affiliated with you guys, or...?
    Like, will you still be working together on music or stuff, or...?
    Man, it's hard to predict what's going to happen to Christ Bearer,
    man, all I'm going to do is say we've got our prayers out for him.
    There was a lot of bullshit, you know what I mean?
    To me, they're going to put whatever they can out there
    to make a story.
    It was...difficult...
    as fuck.
    Having to deal with a lot of people talking.
    You know how you get that negative press, that you kind of clam up
    for a while, you know, I think that's what point he went to.
    I chopped off more than my fair share of my penis.
    When I'm actually having the actual act of sex,
    I'm not, like, "Oh, I wish I had my shit."
    I'm like, totally -
    I'm in there, like I used to be, you know what a mean?
    Moving forward, I know it ain't like he's crazy, or...
    You know, that's an incident that happened.
    He's still human being, and that's my brother, you know what I mean?
    Here, I didn't realise I was depressed, due to that macho air,
    no-one even notices they are going to a depression,
    with a difficult time, you know what I mean?
    Cos no-one would care if you said it.
    Well, I learned a lot of people out here haven't been diagnosed,
    so, they don't even know what they suffering from.
    So, you can't fight a fight if you don't know what fight you in.
    Drugs and depression in hip-hop is...
    should be looked upon more seriously,
    because I think that you got a lot of young artists out there now,
    and they do a lot of lean, and all these other drugs -
    it's definitely got to do with a slight state
    of some type of depression, you know what I mean?
    We hide behind drugs. We hide behind liquor.
    We hide behind other women.
    Right? Instead of being a father.
    Family is everything to me, man.
    I can't blame anything that is bad in my life, or wrong,
    on anybody else.
    I've got to really accept the reality
    that I have made some choices that were not right.
    All right, all right.
    I've never been to the beach.
    After I had the incident, all of my babies' mothers showed up.
    It was a beautiful thing.
    We were both at the bottom, at the time, so, the plan was,
    we need to make sure all of this mess is straightened up,
    and we just build a solid foundation,
    so, whatever it's going to take, we're willing to do.
    I realised that LA's a heavy town, and I always knew this,
    since I was a kid, but it got extremely heavy.
    I just knew I was going to go and get a fresh start,
    cos I know travelling does great things for the mind.
    So, I came out to Vegas.
    I'm in a position where I'm able to work closely with music.
    After this serious depression and everything like that,
    there was no better time than now.
    When I was in the hospital, they appointed me a psychiatrist.
    She was the greatest. I needed her right before the incident happened,
    you know what I mean?
    Shit really helps, you know, if you get the right one.
    There's a slight depression
    I still battle with, you know what I mean?
    And that depression is not seeing my daughter -
    I still have a restraining order on one of my daughters.
    Although I've seen her since,
    but there's some conflicts just there,
    but I have my wife and my daughter Lana. She is by my side.
    Every morning, I wake up,
    I'm teaching her the ABCs and the 123s of life.
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